ode to survivors
by AGENT Kuma-chan
Summary: Aqua can't remember, Axel wishes he could forget, and Kairi refuses to let go


**Title:** ode to survivors

 **Prompt:** I wonder if one day I'll forget your name, like I've forgotten your face

 **A/N:** written for Dearly Beloved, the Kingdom Hearts zine. I never realized how hard it was to cut down words to fit a word count till this moment.

 **Summary:** _Aqua can't remember, Axel wishes he could forget, and Kairi refuses to let go_

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It was endless.

She stared at the waves, the sea that stretched on to infinity. The darkness, the heartless, the paths—it was all endless. There were no exits. All roads returned here.

She sank into the sand. Time didn't exist here, she was certain. Neither did hunger nor sleep. She had walked for days—Weeks? Years?—and all she felt was a fatigue that sank into her bones, weighing down each step.

"I can't escape." Her path had crossed with a few others. She idly wondered if they'd managed to find a way out or if they were still wandering fruitlessly in the dark.

Perhaps they had died already.

She envied them.

Closing her eyes, she contemplated just lying there. It'd be easy to let the heartless get her. She had tried it once before. What stopped her?

She wasn't sure anymore. Only, if she thought hard enough about it, she wasn't supposed to be alone. There were supposed to be two other keyblades with her, two other backs to protect.

Her fingers touched the star-shaped charm on her wrist. This had meant something once. _She_ had meant something once. It eluded her, the memory, but the feeling remained nonetheless.

There was a place where she belonged. A place—

 _With this, we'll always be together_.

She sat up with a jolt. That voice had been hers, she was certain of it.

 _No matter what, I promise._

She wasn't supposed to give up here. _Aqua_ wasn't supposed to give up at all.

This wasn't defeat, wasn't failure. Defeat had been his eyes when he asked her to kill him. Failure had been the way his jaw clenched when he admitted killing their teacher.

(And hope? Hope was too fragile to touch, to think of. Hope was a child's hand, a comatose body, a white castle.

Hope was two keyblades shining brightly in the dark, reminding her to fight another day)

She couldn't recall their names. She couldn't remember their faces or their voices or even who they were. But she had made a promise.

Getting up, she summoned her keyblade and turned to face the Heartless once more.

The darkness would not take that promise from her too.

-x-

Some things were better burned.

Considering his powers, it was something Axel should have known by now. He'd done it before, at Castle Oblivion. He'd do it again in the future.

It still surprised him when Saïx handed him a file.

"You're to retrieve him." Saïx watched him, gauging his response. "If he doesn't come back, kill him."

"Of course." Axel didn't even look at the folder; it was obvious who this was about. "Why me?"

"You were closest to him, you'll be able to bring him back." Saïx left the other reason unspoken and Axel chuckled mirthlessly.

With several members dead at his hands, he was the only one with the resume to do this.

"Sure, why not." Axel thumbed through the folder. If he couldn't stop Roxas from leaving, what chance did he have of bringing him back?

It wasn't the first time he'd fail at bringing a friend back. He couldn't even stop X—

Axel shook his head. He'd only made friends with Roxas. There had been no one else.

He stopped flipping the pages at a photo of Roxas eating a sea-salt popsicle with three kids. "Is this Twilight Town?"

"A facsimile of it. You have two days."

Two days. Axel looked at the picture again, at Roxas's broad smile. He hadn't looked like that in weeks.

"Why me?"

Saïx looked at him this time, really looked at him. "This is your mess to clean up."

And maybe it was. There were some things that were better destroyed than saved.

There was nothing of Isa in that look Saïx gave him. There hadn't been anything like Isa for a long time and Axel might have been clinging on to something that was long dead.

He knew better now. He'd watched one friendship wither; Axel wouldn't let it happen a second time.

If this was all going to end anyways, he'd end it with his own hands.

-x-

They'd been gone for too long. Kairi stared at the sea, at the island just a short canoe away.

It wasn't too hard to remember Sora's smile or Riku's smirk. She had held both their hands as they stared at the sunset, promising to find an adventure. The raft they'd been working on still sat on the shore, waiting to be completed.

But it never would be. The adventure was had, but without her. A villain was defeated, friends were found, and she had been sent home.

Without them.

It had been years and still they had not come home. She couldn't quite remember Sora's cheerful laugh or Riku's steady hands. There was a drawing in a cave, a secret that she carefully hid, but even time had done its there. All that was left was the star she had drawn, smeared beyond recognition.

And still her boys had not come home.

"Kairi? You okay?" Wakka nudged her. Kairi hadn't realized she'd come to a standstill. "We're going to be late."

"Yeah."

Perhaps it was time she'd done more than waiting. She wasn't going to forget them and she wasn't going to let them forget her either.

If they weren't coming to her, then she'd just have to find them.


End file.
